Truth, Lies and In Between

…a little humor for your Thursday.

Time is like a river. You cannot touch the water twice, because the

flow that has passed will never pass again. Enjoy every moment of

life.

 

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral

director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no

family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the

Nova Scotia back country.

 

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical

man, I didn’t stop for directions.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone

and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and

crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the

men for being late.

 

I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was

already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played

out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like

I’ve never played before for this homeless man.

 

And as I played Amazing Grace, the workers began to weep. They wept,

I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes

and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never

seen nothing like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for

twenty years.”

…a funny I got in an email. I’m still laughing.

Verne was teeing off from the men’s tee. On his downswing, he realized that his wife, Joy, was teeing up on the woman’s tee directly in front of him.
Unable to stop his swing, he nailed it, and hit her directly in the temple, killing her instantly.

A few days later, Verne got a call from the coroner regarding her autopsy.

Coroner: “Verne, your wife seemed to have died from blunt force-trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and hit her in the temple, is that correct?”
Verne: “Yes, sir, that’s correct.”

Coroner: “Well, inexplicably I found a golf ball wedged up her ass.”
Verne: “Was it a Titleist 3?”

Coroner: “Yes, it was.”
Verne: “That was my mulligan.”